The point of this blog is to expose misogynists and other terrible people by quoting the hateful things they say. It's not a safe space. You may run across upsetting and possibly triggering things in the posts and in the fairly loosely moderated comments as well.
The author posted this. http://manboobz.com/2013/03/20/mea-culpa-it-turns-out-that-women-really-do-hate-short-men/
It is in reference to another article which can be found here.
http://manboobz.com/2013/03/19/how-to-hate-and-envy-every-single-person-in-the-world-puahate-edition/#comments
Now I don't really like the way the author has dealt with this particular issue. I understand this is intended as a joke but on the face of it, it does feel like the author is being a little dismissive of heightism.
However I do understand the general points being made. I've also seen online communities where hostility towards women is prevalent and it's sickening.
It made me wonder, how does a person live in the world, acknowledge heightism and not cross the line into misogyny? I'm not a man, but I can imagine how suffering the full effects of heightism day after day can make men increasingly angry and that anger can end up being misdirected.
I started to think about ways that we can all check ourselves and make sure we don't allow ourselves to cross the line.
My suggestions are below, but I would appreciate a male perspective on this issue, so please do comment.
How not to be a misogynist
- Don't treat women as if they owe you something.
- Don't automatically take offense when a person doesn't fancy you. It could be heightism of course, but it could be one of 101 other factors. You'll never know.
When people treat you badly, don't let it make you bitter. Bitterness is unattractive, but worse then that it corrodes the soul. Don't let it control you.(This last part is under review)
I respectfully disagree with your view on this topic.
ReplyDeleteI agree with not treating women (or men) as if they owe you something. That's a part of basic human kindness and respect.
Don't take offense when a person isn't attracted to you? Not taking offense when "A" person doesn't fancy you is also common sense. But for short men we know it's not just one. We know it's a vast majority of women. I would guess 85% minimum. Probably 90% or greater. Those numbers are my guess, but I'm very confident they are pretty close. I personally am not offended when turned down by a few (or even more than a few) woman. It's part of life. It's the years and years of rejection that weigh on you. Is not finding a mate arguably the most basic human need right after food, clothing, and shelter? Why would this not bother you? And that brings me to the final point. This concept of "not letting it" bother you. This is a popular argument usually put forth by those who are not personally affected by the relevant topic. Regardless of what this phrase is being applied to, I don't understand the basic logic. It implies that humans have 100% control over their feelings and emotions regardless of the outside stimuli. If your loved one suddenly died could you just "not let it" bother you? Why choose to feel any emotional pain and suffering at all? Why would you choose to feel so much pain over something you cannot change or control? It's really a blank slate argument of the human brain which has been scientifically rebuked. I don't, nor does anyone, choose to let years and years of rejection bother them. It bothers them because they are normal humans with normal emotions. To continue a discussion of how much control any individual has over their thoughts and feelings is extremely complicated and limited by modern understanding of the human brain.
Long story short, I think it's incredibly easy, and even in fashion so to speak, for people to simply throw the word misogynist around when a short guy says anything at all about the difficulty he faces with the opposite sex. Especially over a single genetic trait he cannot change.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
DeleteI agree with you and I would never want to deny a person the right to their own feelings or suggest that they can just shrug them off.
I never actually used the words 'don't let it bother you' but I do think that I didn't phrase myself well at all.
Basically what I was trying to get across is this.
I think anger is very dangerous and has to be handled carefully. Of course it is right to recognise the injustice of heightism and to feel pain about that. Nor can anyone simply brush off, as you described it, years of rejection with a smile on their face.
I also recognise that, to paraphrase Geoff Arnold from his blog, The Social Complex, a shorter man who expresses a negative opinion about a women is a misogynist with a Napolean Complex, whereas a taller man is just a prat in the eyes of society. There is a huge double standard there.
However I do think we have some control over how we let the pain caused by heightism effect us. I'm a Buddhist and in Buddhism there is a quote
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
What I worry about is victims of heightism letting the bullies win, essentially. I worry that people internalise all the negative messages they hear about themselves until they are so self loathing that they become bitter. I worry about the effect this has on their lives.
Is it right that shorter people should have to constantly bat away these negative messages, of course not. No one should have to live under constant psychic attack. I do think however that it helps no one, least of all the men concerned, if they allow it to make them openly aggressive misogynists in the way exposed in the PUA Hate thread the blogger originally linked to.
I don't know if you had chance to read that thread, but the man who posted it described one woman as a whale and later in the thread another in not particularly nice terms. The other men on the thread encourage him to turn his back on society and talk to no one.
I don't deny that heightism is the root of many of his problems and I don't pretend for a moment that he shouldn't feel hurt by that. However I do believe that turning his aggression on women and turning away from people, he is hurting himself further.
Anyway, you have given me much to think about. My list is a work in progress so for now, I'm going to scratch the last one out until I can think of a better way to express myself. Thank you for your contribution.
If you could, as a controlled experiment, have a terrific job for a few years you'd see: women don't hate short men. They hate short men's careers.
ReplyDeleteThe issue is AT WORK. It's employment discrimination; it's the fact that short men are never promoted.
Unfortunately, noticing this fact gets a guy in trouble at work. He's blaming his boss, now, for discriminating against him based on a genetic trait (and--worse yet--on a genetic trait that is very closely tied to race if he's Italian, Mexican, Irish, Greek, Spanish, Costa Rican, Chinese, Thai, or from any country near the equator. Heightism is a proxy for: Are you British? It is a proxy form Romney's questions--are you anglo saxon enough? But--that's a diferent issue.)
When an employee blames his boss for racial discrimination, he usually gets in trouble. So, instead, he blames women for not liking a small paycheck just as much as a big one.